This year, Mid-Autumn Festival fell on September 25.
My mother who was a Buddhist up until about six years before her death, used to celebrate all Chinese festivals, minor or major. Since the rest of the family are Catholics we celebrated these festivals not with prayers to the Chinese Gods but with a gathering of all the family members having dinner together. We would have a small feast of fish, mixed vegetables, lotus root soup and the traditional steamed chicken. Of course, on Mid-Autumn day, we would have mooncake for desert, washed down with Chinese tea.
Since my mother's passing, my family now only celebrate major festivals like Chinese New Year and Winter Solstice which are cultural events rather than religious ones. My father's more incline towards western food and so missing a Chinese feast or two is no big deal to him. My mother was the one who planted my Chinese roots deep into the ground.
Well, to make up for the feast we did not have, we did eat many mooncakes before and on Mid-Autumn day.
Mid-Autumn Festival
Mid-Autumn Festival (wiki)
mooncakes
mooncakes
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Update
I'm almost two weeks into my new job. My boss was on vacation on my third day at work, leaving me to take care of her group of 6 staff since I am the most senior among them.
I had to get up earlier for work since this job starts earlier than all my previous jobs. This means I have to go to bed earlier leaving me less online time. But I get to go home slightly earlier and the work's not as hectic although I do seem to be attending more meetings. I guess it's not too bad because the "running about" and the activities will do me good healthwise.
I've been revising chapter 1 of my novel and thinking of posting it here some time later since the publisher did not give me any response on whether he wants to commission the novel so I presume he doesn't. Chapter 2 should have been written one month ago.
I had to get up earlier for work since this job starts earlier than all my previous jobs. This means I have to go to bed earlier leaving me less online time. But I get to go home slightly earlier and the work's not as hectic although I do seem to be attending more meetings. I guess it's not too bad because the "running about" and the activities will do me good healthwise.
I've been revising chapter 1 of my novel and thinking of posting it here some time later since the publisher did not give me any response on whether he wants to commission the novel so I presume he doesn't. Chapter 2 should have been written one month ago.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Anxiety of Another Kind
Apparently the anxiety attack is not job-related. It was some sort of a premonition of an impending quarrel that happened the next day (not with my dad). I hate quarrels and they make me sick, literally, because I am by nature a peaceful and non-aggressive person. Unfortunately, the quarrels are quite often, only the intensity varies.
Following the comments by David M on one of my earlier posts, I've written the incident down somewhere and will also be writing down past events when I have the time and when I am in the mood. Yes, I'm afraid I have to be in angst mood to write down the teenage angst type of feelings and expressions. Then perhaps later, by some miracle, I can turn them into swans.
About "premonitions", I do have these types of premonitions (not visions, just feelings) over some impending future unpleasant events but unfortunately, I am unable to identify what events they are "predicting". But then again, I'm not sure if premonitions is the right word to use.
Following the comments by David M on one of my earlier posts, I've written the incident down somewhere and will also be writing down past events when I have the time and when I am in the mood. Yes, I'm afraid I have to be in angst mood to write down the teenage angst type of feelings and expressions. Then perhaps later, by some miracle, I can turn them into swans.
About "premonitions", I do have these types of premonitions (not visions, just feelings) over some impending future unpleasant events but unfortunately, I am unable to identify what events they are "predicting". But then again, I'm not sure if premonitions is the right word to use.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Anxiety Over Going Back To Work
I'm having a little anxiety attack over going back to work next week. Reality seems to be returning into my life.
On Monday, I took a medical test for the new job. It was a rather basic test which included an eye-sight test, colour blindness test, a urine test and a simple physical examination. Other than my blood pressure being on the higher end of normal, I passed the test without any problem. X-ray which was at the doctor's discretion was not required.
Then, yesterday, someone from HR called and asked me how she can pass the car-park card to me. Looks like there's no escape from working with this organisation. After all that I have gone through, especially the tedious interviews prior to securing the job, I know I just can't back off now.
At the first interview, after going through 30 minutes with two senior managers, one of them left and the HR Director was called in. I went through another 15 minutes of questioning, by which time the HR Director has also given his approval to my employment. Then, I had to take a 100 multiple-choice questions English Test within 20 minutes and write a short essay within the next 10 minutes! After this, I had to take a personality test and by then, my head was already aching.
I was then told that since the Executive Director was in, I might as well meet her so that I would not need to come back another day. It was not surprising that by the time I met her and another lady (not sure who she was but must be someone senior), I was really tired physically and mentally. At the end of the interview, I was told that they would need to check with the Managing Director who was not in the office that day, whether he would need to meet me when he was back in town before confirming me for the job.
I kept my fingers crossed that I would not be required to meet him because at that time I was extremely busy with my old job and I was having a bad flu. Unfortunately, luck was not with me. So one day, after postponing the appointment once and couldn't put it off any longer, with a voice like a frog, I went to meet the MD. I knew he was judging me in terms of self presentation and social interaction. I managed to pass this as well.
That's how I got the job.
Which army am I joining?
On Monday, I took a medical test for the new job. It was a rather basic test which included an eye-sight test, colour blindness test, a urine test and a simple physical examination. Other than my blood pressure being on the higher end of normal, I passed the test without any problem. X-ray which was at the doctor's discretion was not required.
Then, yesterday, someone from HR called and asked me how she can pass the car-park card to me. Looks like there's no escape from working with this organisation. After all that I have gone through, especially the tedious interviews prior to securing the job, I know I just can't back off now.
At the first interview, after going through 30 minutes with two senior managers, one of them left and the HR Director was called in. I went through another 15 minutes of questioning, by which time the HR Director has also given his approval to my employment. Then, I had to take a 100 multiple-choice questions English Test within 20 minutes and write a short essay within the next 10 minutes! After this, I had to take a personality test and by then, my head was already aching.
I was then told that since the Executive Director was in, I might as well meet her so that I would not need to come back another day. It was not surprising that by the time I met her and another lady (not sure who she was but must be someone senior), I was really tired physically and mentally. At the end of the interview, I was told that they would need to check with the Managing Director who was not in the office that day, whether he would need to meet me when he was back in town before confirming me for the job.
I kept my fingers crossed that I would not be required to meet him because at that time I was extremely busy with my old job and I was having a bad flu. Unfortunately, luck was not with me. So one day, after postponing the appointment once and couldn't put it off any longer, with a voice like a frog, I went to meet the MD. I knew he was judging me in terms of self presentation and social interaction. I managed to pass this as well.
That's how I got the job.
Which army am I joining?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Better Sight
On the second day of his cataract surgery, I asked my father whether his eyesight has improved. He told me that he could now read the time from the clock on the wall from where he was sitting. The vision of his left eye is now clearer and brighter. I'm so happy for him. Later, we'll see if we want to let him undergo surgery on his right eye.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
My Almost-Clergy Friend
When I was in secondary school, I was the leader of a Christian society for one year and it was at this time I met this guy during an inter-school Christian fellowship. He was the leader of another school's Christian group.
He was a very charismatic person and left a very good impression on me. By the time the fellowship which lasted three days ended, we had became good friends. He talked to me about his plans to leave town to undergo a course to become a priest. A few days later, we met again when I attended his farewell tea-party at his house.
Later that night, he came to my house on his motorbike. Riding pillion was a girl I was slightly acquainted with. He gave me a bunch of flowers. It was the first time I received flowers from a guy, from anyone for that matter.
But I'd never had thought this would be the type of situation when I'd first receive flowers from a guy. You see, the girl was his girlfriend and they were having their last night out together before he left town. He gave me the flowers to thank me for being such a good friend, listening to his "problems". I guessed he brought his girlfriend along to show her that our relationship was "clean".
Later, when he was at the seminary we corresponded by mail and he told me of the hardships he had to endure. I could see that his strength to continue his training was wavering. I tried to encourage him to continue. After a while, the letters got fewer as I got busier with work, having graduated from school. I was not sure what the reason was at his end.
But soon, I lost touch with him as I went on with my life, with work and another man. Later in life, I feel bad that during that period, I had "neglected" him, not that I could do much though.
Years later, I found out that he had came home, having left the seminary without completing the course. However, he had stayed active in his religious calling by giving Christian seminars. I also heard he's now married, with kids. I'm very sure the wife's the girl on his motorbike that night he came to give me the flowers.
I've never met him again since that night and I've never attended the seminars he conducted so I have no idea how he looks like now. I do wonder though whether he would be able to recognise me after all these years since I'm no longer the wide-eyed bespectacled pony tail school girl he once knew.
He was a very charismatic person and left a very good impression on me. By the time the fellowship which lasted three days ended, we had became good friends. He talked to me about his plans to leave town to undergo a course to become a priest. A few days later, we met again when I attended his farewell tea-party at his house.
Later that night, he came to my house on his motorbike. Riding pillion was a girl I was slightly acquainted with. He gave me a bunch of flowers. It was the first time I received flowers from a guy, from anyone for that matter.
But I'd never had thought this would be the type of situation when I'd first receive flowers from a guy. You see, the girl was his girlfriend and they were having their last night out together before he left town. He gave me the flowers to thank me for being such a good friend, listening to his "problems". I guessed he brought his girlfriend along to show her that our relationship was "clean".
Later, when he was at the seminary we corresponded by mail and he told me of the hardships he had to endure. I could see that his strength to continue his training was wavering. I tried to encourage him to continue. After a while, the letters got fewer as I got busier with work, having graduated from school. I was not sure what the reason was at his end.
But soon, I lost touch with him as I went on with my life, with work and another man. Later in life, I feel bad that during that period, I had "neglected" him, not that I could do much though.
Years later, I found out that he had came home, having left the seminary without completing the course. However, he had stayed active in his religious calling by giving Christian seminars. I also heard he's now married, with kids. I'm very sure the wife's the girl on his motorbike that night he came to give me the flowers.
I've never met him again since that night and I've never attended the seminars he conducted so I have no idea how he looks like now. I do wonder though whether he would be able to recognise me after all these years since I'm no longer the wide-eyed bespectacled pony tail school girl he once knew.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Dad's Sunglasses and Eyedrops
I'm a little hyperactive again and more than a little "talkative". These are times when I've so much to talk and write about. I guess when I'm working I use up all my energy at work and am no longer hyperactive at home. Hmm, is that a good thing?
Now, I want to write about my dad's sunglasses and eyedrops. This morning he wanted to go out to the garden to water the plants but because of his recent cataract surgery, the sunlight was too bright for him. He whipped out an old pair of sunglasses and put it on. He has ripped off the right lens leaving only the left lens intact. He wanted to wear the glasses like an eyepatch on his left eye which was operated on. I was a little frustrated at him. I know that it was still a good pair of glasses although when questioned he lied that the right lens was already cracked. I just had to tell him not to mutilate good things even though they may be old stuff. I could easily have gotten him an eye patch if he had wanted it. I was really upset because I hate to see good things being destroyed. More so when I know that my mother had worn those glasses before.
Yesterday and this morning, I taught my father to do the eyedrops himself. I understand his difficulty since he can't see well with his other eye either. Anticipating the volume of wastages, I had bought an extra bottle of eyedrops from the doctor yesterday. Sure enough, my dad will drop the antibiotic onto his eyelids, below his eyes and almost poke the bottle into his eyes but after a few attempts the drops will hit the right target. And he gets grouchy at me when I try to correct him.
I had to teach him to administer the antibiotic drops himself because I know I would be out for lunch today for at least two hours. And in another week's time, I'll be starting work at my new job and there won't be anyone at home to take care of him until night time when I come home. The doctor did say that after a week, he'll only need the eyedrops four hourly which is better for him since he is also forgetful. I had to remind him a couple of times today.
Now, I want to write about my dad's sunglasses and eyedrops. This morning he wanted to go out to the garden to water the plants but because of his recent cataract surgery, the sunlight was too bright for him. He whipped out an old pair of sunglasses and put it on. He has ripped off the right lens leaving only the left lens intact. He wanted to wear the glasses like an eyepatch on his left eye which was operated on. I was a little frustrated at him. I know that it was still a good pair of glasses although when questioned he lied that the right lens was already cracked. I just had to tell him not to mutilate good things even though they may be old stuff. I could easily have gotten him an eye patch if he had wanted it. I was really upset because I hate to see good things being destroyed. More so when I know that my mother had worn those glasses before.
Yesterday and this morning, I taught my father to do the eyedrops himself. I understand his difficulty since he can't see well with his other eye either. Anticipating the volume of wastages, I had bought an extra bottle of eyedrops from the doctor yesterday. Sure enough, my dad will drop the antibiotic onto his eyelids, below his eyes and almost poke the bottle into his eyes but after a few attempts the drops will hit the right target. And he gets grouchy at me when I try to correct him.
I had to teach him to administer the antibiotic drops himself because I know I would be out for lunch today for at least two hours. And in another week's time, I'll be starting work at my new job and there won't be anyone at home to take care of him until night time when I come home. The doctor did say that after a week, he'll only need the eyedrops four hourly which is better for him since he is also forgetful. I had to remind him a couple of times today.
The Giant Spider Web
Friend Leaving For London
Today, I had lunch with a close friend who's leaving on Sunday to take up a one year diploma course in footwear design at the University of Arts London. We were colleagues for a short while eleven years ago and had kept in touch with each other once in a while.
However, today we could only spend one hour together as she still has a lot of things to settle before she leaves. She had resigned from her job last week and had less than a week to prepare for her trip.
At lunch, she told me now that she is actually leaving, she's having jitteries and unsure whether she has made the right decision to take up the course in terms of money spent (which is a lot) and career. She would have taken up fashion design if money and situation permit. Footwear design is not something that would lead one to a good lasting career in Asia. She's also moving out of her comfort zone because she has never done anything artistic in her career since she had always been working in a corporate office like me.
I told her that even if she sees no career in footwear design in the future, taking up the course would still be beneficial in ways that we may not be aware of at this time. The experience and qualification may still come in handy for other certain careers. Last week, I had bought two bookmarks for her and one of them was coincidentally titled "Trust your heart" with inspirational words about having the courage to do what you want and to follow your heart. When I gave it to her, she noted the coincidence and I can see that my words and the bookmark managed to at least make her a little calmer.
I wish her the best and can't wait to see her again. However, she may opt to remain in London if she manage to get a good job there. Then, I'll be missing another good friend by my side.
However, today we could only spend one hour together as she still has a lot of things to settle before she leaves. She had resigned from her job last week and had less than a week to prepare for her trip.
At lunch, she told me now that she is actually leaving, she's having jitteries and unsure whether she has made the right decision to take up the course in terms of money spent (which is a lot) and career. She would have taken up fashion design if money and situation permit. Footwear design is not something that would lead one to a good lasting career in Asia. She's also moving out of her comfort zone because she has never done anything artistic in her career since she had always been working in a corporate office like me.
I told her that even if she sees no career in footwear design in the future, taking up the course would still be beneficial in ways that we may not be aware of at this time. The experience and qualification may still come in handy for other certain careers. Last week, I had bought two bookmarks for her and one of them was coincidentally titled "Trust your heart" with inspirational words about having the courage to do what you want and to follow your heart. When I gave it to her, she noted the coincidence and I can see that my words and the bookmark managed to at least make her a little calmer.
I wish her the best and can't wait to see her again. However, she may opt to remain in London if she manage to get a good job there. Then, I'll be missing another good friend by my side.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Cataract Surgery 2
Dad's fine. The procedure itself together with the patient resting period lasted only one hour. The pre-surgery dilation of the eye and the waiting for the doctor to attend to another patient who came after us took us half a day.
We reached home around 1.00 p.m. and had lunch at home. Then, in between giving my father his eyedrops every two hours, I managed to do some laundry, cook dinner and mop the kitchen floor. I guess, I'm rather hyperactive today despite the threatening headache throughout the day.
Tomorrow, I've to take dad to the doctor again to have the bandage taken off and have his eye checked. The next visit would be one week later.
I'm tired but sleep eludes.
We reached home around 1.00 p.m. and had lunch at home. Then, in between giving my father his eyedrops every two hours, I managed to do some laundry, cook dinner and mop the kitchen floor. I guess, I'm rather hyperactive today despite the threatening headache throughout the day.
Tomorrow, I've to take dad to the doctor again to have the bandage taken off and have his eye checked. The next visit would be one week later.
I'm tired but sleep eludes.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Cataract Surgery
My father's going to have his cataract surgery tomorrow morning. The doctor said that by noon or latest 1 pm, he should be able to go home.
He also told me that for the first two days, my father will need eyedrops every two hours. Then, for the following days up to one month, it'll be four times a day. I hope that when I am working again, he'll be able to do the eyedrops properly himself.
I have mentioned that even with a cataract surgery, his vision may still not improve that much due to his other eye problem, retinitis pigmentosa but I hope that his vision could at least be a little brighter and clearer after the surgery.
Cataract Surgery
Eye Procedure
Retinitis Pigmentosa
(The part on genetic mutation is particularly interesting.)
He also told me that for the first two days, my father will need eyedrops every two hours. Then, for the following days up to one month, it'll be four times a day. I hope that when I am working again, he'll be able to do the eyedrops properly himself.
I have mentioned that even with a cataract surgery, his vision may still not improve that much due to his other eye problem, retinitis pigmentosa but I hope that his vision could at least be a little brighter and clearer after the surgery.
Cataract Surgery
Eye Procedure
Retinitis Pigmentosa
(The part on genetic mutation is particularly interesting.)
Monday, September 03, 2007
Questions (not job related)
Why do people have mental problems and yet don't want to seek help?
Why can't people see for themselves what is happening and why it's happening?
Why won't people listen even for a moment what others are trying to tell them?
Why don't people appreciate the things others do for them rather than look for those things that they do not do?
Why do people get worked-up and pick on others for things they could not do but which those others are doing?
Why can't people see for themselves what is happening and why it's happening?
Why won't people listen even for a moment what others are trying to tell them?
Why don't people appreciate the things others do for them rather than look for those things that they do not do?
Why do people get worked-up and pick on others for things they could not do but which those others are doing?
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Farewell 2
On the last day of my work in the office, the office tea lady said to me "chun hai ng sei tak nei chow" (Cantonese pinyin). It means something like "hate to see you go and will miss you".
Although she's one "dragon lady" in her field but she and I got along really well. I would always throw my waste paper into a special box for her to collect for recycling (she gets paid when she sells the paper) and gave her lai see (red packet) every Chinese New Year as a personal thank you for all the times she made drinks for me. But I can see that it's not because of these that she said those parting words to me. I know, from those times when we talk at the pantry, she has a certain respect for me and I really appreciate that.
There were two office boys whom I also gave lai see. One came to shake my hand and said he only just knew I was leaving that day so he was unprepared with any parting gift. I wished him well and said I did not expect any which was why I only told him I was leaving on my last day of work. The other office boy was working late and helped me cart my five years of "rubbish" to my car. They, understanding the office environment, had always provided me with prompt service whenever I wanted my documents despatched and they know I appreciate them.
Note: A lai see can be given by an elder to a youngster and from a superior to a subordinate. I'm still trying to search for a better link on this custom.
Although she's one "dragon lady" in her field but she and I got along really well. I would always throw my waste paper into a special box for her to collect for recycling (she gets paid when she sells the paper) and gave her lai see (red packet) every Chinese New Year as a personal thank you for all the times she made drinks for me. But I can see that it's not because of these that she said those parting words to me. I know, from those times when we talk at the pantry, she has a certain respect for me and I really appreciate that.
There were two office boys whom I also gave lai see. One came to shake my hand and said he only just knew I was leaving that day so he was unprepared with any parting gift. I wished him well and said I did not expect any which was why I only told him I was leaving on my last day of work. The other office boy was working late and helped me cart my five years of "rubbish" to my car. They, understanding the office environment, had always provided me with prompt service whenever I wanted my documents despatched and they know I appreciate them.
Note: A lai see can be given by an elder to a youngster and from a superior to a subordinate. I'm still trying to search for a better link on this custom.
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